Dante’s Wedding: The Untold Story [Finalé]

Welcome back guys, its great to have you people on here once again. In case you’ve not read Dante’s Wedding Series, Here’s The Link To Episode 1, Episode II, Episode III, and Episode IV

This #UntoldStory was sent in by one of the blog readers. Enjoy.

Dante’s Wedding Reloaded #TheUntoldStory

Dante rushed off to see his bride-to-be on the hospital bed weeping over the loss of one of her precious instruments of sight, the gateway of light to her whole being. He tried to console her for a long time before eventually falling into misery himself. What was supposed to be a makeover for her had turned out to be a dreadful nightmare.

Later that night, Dante is sprawled over the chair barely asleep with his dearest under strict orders to rest her tired frame, when his phone rings. He has worked so hard over the years to climb up the corporate ladder. Picking up the call, Dante expects to hear his boss confirming an appointment with a client for the next day but instead hears Aisha’s loud pitch. Aisha has called to find out that how he is doing, a follow up to their meeting the other day. Dante at that moment, desperately needs someone to talk to. He tells her everything bugging him, about the situation with Farida, that the thought of living with a blind woman for the rest of his life scares him. They talked about their past together, way into the early hours of the day.

“I still have feelings for you, I know you do too. I see the way you looked at me.”, Aisha says calmly. Dante at this point is lost, his mind is going blank. Aisha persists, “Our love story does not have to end like that. I could not allow you make the worst mistake by marrying Farida”. Aisha drops the bomb, “I orchestrated the accident. The owner of the outfit is my secondary school classmate. We didn’t mean for her to go blind, we only wanted to glue her lashes and delay the wedding.” Dante is stunned! His head is ringing. His brain is trying to process what has been said.

He finally finds his voice, “Woman, are you crazy? You made my fiancée blind to tell me you have feelings for me?” Aisha starts to cry, “I made a mistake by leaving back then, please don’t marry someone else!” Dante recalls how he was deeply enamoured to this woman who has done this very wicked thing and he can’t bare to talk to her for one second longer. He hangs up.

When Dante leaves the hospital up that morning, he is more confused than ever. He knows for sure that he still admires Amina and at the same time, Farida has been exceptionally good to him. He tries to think of his attraction to both women. “Farida….does she really love me, is she caring because her job demands it? Would she treat another man the same dotting way? And Aisha…what she and I shared is really special, but she left me to pursue a degree and now she has done this!”.

Dante feels like a trapped leopard. What is he to do? After taking a shower, he stumbled on a checklist he drew up long ago on his drawer, the one with good degree and job ticked, and the box to tick marriage blank. He sighs and shakes his head.

His phone rings, It is Aisha, he ignores, the second and third time which was followed by a text, Picking up the phone to check and read what the content of the message was even though he knew it was Aisha’s, the’ phone rings again but this time it was the doctor in charge of Farida at the hospital. Dante picks up and hears the excited doctor inform him that a specialist opthamologist from India the hospital is affiliated with, has asked that Farida’s case be transferred to him, her eyes can be fixed. Farida will be able to see with both eyes again.

As regards how to deal with Aisha and the beauty salon, “Love the say, is a complicated story with Different subtitles”

Shout out: Adeniyi Boluwatife (@bolusticbolu) and Olarewaju Temitope for putting this great piece together.

If you’ll also love to guest blog on this portal kindly send your piece/article to love_dboy@yahoo.com or howolarbi@gmail.com. I remain @moneylabi. Thank you all.

THE LOST EVIDENCE Episode 4

Welcome back everybody, in case you’ve not been following this series, you can read THE LOST EVIDENCE Episode 1 Here, Episode 2 Here and Episode 3 Here. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the fourth and final episode.

THE LOST EVIDENCE: Episode 4 [Final]

Onos hung his head in utter disbelief, Gloria had been pacing around, a sense of accomplishment, pity and betrayal surrounding her, she had never known how to hide her emotions and she sure wasn’t about to start knowing now, she was in a way very pleased that it was all finally behind them, the murder involvement. In the past couple of weeks, she had worked tirelessly and effortlessly with the police command handling Onos’ involvement in the murder case following his discharge, she needed to get to the root of the matter, there was a certain sense of accomplishment and pleasure she derived from detective jobs such as this. They had been on phone with the person on the other end of the found blackberry – the deceased lady’s phone – , the chats and call logs preceding the time of death of the victim was a major investigative lead.

****** ******* ******* *******

It was about 2years, some months and some days ago today when Onos being in his normal self didn’t know what and how much the new girl he had just met will change the course of history of two men, himself and the Other man, the man responsible for his murder case involvement. He, Onos had met Gloria back in his university days, it was a rainy day and he had just left class in his new birthday gift courtesy of Dad, a brand new Mercedez C200, there was an air of class and importance attached to whoever drove such amazing ride, adding to this was the fact that his white coloured ride was one of a kind on campus. He had been on the phone with a friend and had carelessly splattered a nearby pool of rain water on a lady, he felt grossly guilty as he parked, alighted and begged her forgiveness offering to take her wherever she lived because clearly, her outfit was ruined for the day, that was the turning point for the trio, Onos, Gloria and the Other man. Onos would later find out that she was in a relationship but that didn’t stop him as he pestered on till she finally gave in, she was that beautiful and amazing, – totally worth fighting for-, it was sure she loved him too, the only detail left out, unknown to Onos was the fact that preceding the day Gloria consented to his relationship offer, she had turned down the other man, –her man’s– marriage proposal and broke things off in cold sweat. He must have felt ridiculously stupid because he couldn’t bring himself to stand up from his proposal stance as Gloria walked out on him, it was indeed painfully crushing, His ego, confidence, love and all that made him humane left with her through the door.

******* ******* ******* *******

He, – the Other man – had been obsessed with her, had laid out his entire future with her featuring in every tiny little details of frame, and suddenly, she felt it nice and comfortable to drift continuously away from him for a period and just when he felt proposal was what was needed to salvage what was left of the crumbling ship, to take the relationship to another level, own her to himself and him only, she turned him down, how could he live without her?, what was his future without her in it, he needed to get her back, and only Onos stood in his way. Silently, Steadily, he had contemplated assassinating the young man, but then, it wouldn’t inflict as much pain and suffering as a life sentence with hard labour, death penalty or killing his family one at a time. He had to inflict as much pain, maybe greater on Onos for being a rival. Finally, with much thinking, he had settled for the option of a life prison sentence and had silently promised himself to visit Onos in prison after he got sentenced, laugh at his woes and taunt him but the paradigm had shifted, shifted so fast due to his carelessness, one little glitch in his plans, one little mistake and all he’d worked for, all he’d put together for two years came crumbling down like a house of cards, alas, it was he who let himself into Onos’ apartment, what started out as a revenge plan which involved strangling the lady with whom he had connived with to meet Onos at the club house, work her way into leaving with him and finally leave his room door open for his safe entrance just after making sure Onos was properly drugged – how was the lady supposed to know she’ll end up getting strangled by her co-plotter and used as a bait?-.

He had left Onos’ room that day in panic for she, the deceased was the first person he’d ever killed, the body had been found, Onos had been put away, but she whom he’s fought to have for a lifetime, Gloria, had been responsible for him being put away for the remainder of his days and as he stood facing the judge as his sentence was being passed, he looked one last time, deeply into Gloria’s eyes, the same look he had on when she had left him on that very night of his proposal, She recognized the look, he was all the more shattered, his condemnation and damnation wasn’t more real at any moment than this as he was walked into the waiting Black Maria by Policemen and Prison guards, the close of the vehicle’s rear doors tore his eyes away from her into an oblivion of darkness, he’ll forever remember her face, her eyes, the look and expression.

Here is where this series ends, Thank you all for reading. I really appreciate the e-mails, messages and calls requesting that I bring the final episode, goes a long way in warming my heart. I’ll be back with something more interesting, hopefully and by God’s grace.

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In Death, Smile!

As much as the concept of death, yes, you read right, the entire package of death enthralls me and makes me quiver not with the shrill sense of fear, not the chilly feeling you get at the bottom of your stomach but the quiver of pleasure… at this point, you probably think I’m a weirdo right?… we delve further.

Has it ever occurred to you to choose or rather pray for a certain kind of death?, I know most people will choose a quick and painless death although we all know not all of us can be afforded that special luxury. To me, the most sleek way to pass out, yeah, not from alcohol this time, but the Grim Reaper, the Great Beyond, has to be in one’s sleep, you know, one minute you’re asleep having a blessed dream or otherwise, the next in-between minute, the Grim Reaper beckons to you, the funniest part of this is, you can’t already choose to Ignore that call (Like you ignore someone who you’re owing money, attention or responsibility to) and then the next full minute, you’re at the pearly gate… brings me to wonder as I digress from the whole point of this pointless sheet (yes, pun), in death, the body is shed, but in what attire is the soul clothed? Is there some form of pit stop Boutique between heaven and earth that these souls visit before the pearly gate or does the grim reaper itself bring a change of clothes to the souls being reaped, or does the soul just waltz out of the body naked? (I can’t help but wonder how many naked bodies the Reaper itself must have seen), I guess we’ll never know these things or have a first-hand witness tell the story… Anyway, back to the point, death is a constant thing I remind myself of, in pain, joy, happiness, and whatever situation it be, it is the End, probably not the real end as I believe this life is just a stage performance, the curtain is drawn at the end of each performance yet, activities are still on behind the drawn curtains, as fellow spectators, these things that happen on the other end we’ll never know or be able to report to our loved ones. However, the human mind is built with a go-around mechanism, Denial, helps you circumnavigate away from things you can’t explain by issuing out other things you can fathom, explains why most people have fantasies, an escape plan if you wish, but a man or woman has not achieved true and full greatness if he isn’t able to embrace his/her fears, deal with them and accept the unchangeable nature of some static forces. With this it is easier to live life, look the grim reaper in the eyes and say, “Lets Roll My Nigga!”…

I guess the whole point of this is to remind us all of “Death”… LOOOOOOOL… yeah, death is a concept that has come to stay… Be sure to install a free wifi on my tomb, 6ft speaking. Peace Out and Assalamualaikum to my muslim readers, Happy Ramadan.

THE LOST EVIDENCE Episode 3

Welcome back, in case you didn’t get to read the previous episodes, Read Episode 1 here and Episode 2 Here Thank you all for reading.

EPISODE 3

Gloria -Onos’ girlfriend- had heard what the three friends said on phone, she couldn’t believe it, first, that Onos was cheating on her -well, what was she to expect from a “not-so-long” but yet, long distance relationship-, she sunk into her bed, face in her palms as the emotions came rushing in, she was angry, sad, depressed, sympathetic, all at once, she didn’t know if she was to cry or burst out in a fit of laughter because that served him right, after all, he had in her all he could ever want in a girl but still wasn’t satisfied, foolish testosterone powered men she retorted. She dashed the thought and quickly packed her things in preparation for the next morning’s journey, her heart had suddenly grown a longing for him, she needed to see him, if only this last time, Love they say, conquereth a great multitude of sins.

At some minutes past 4:00 pm the next day, she was already in what was her boyfriend’s room, soon to be an ex-boyfriend anyway, she had to get him some things as he didn’t look good at all, she almost didn’t recognize him, looking through the room and quite amazed at how the Nigerian Police Force worked in a totally different and crude way compared to what she’s seen in movies, no tags of evidence location, even the room wasn’t locked out, no yellow tapes, she sighed and went about inspecting if anything was out of place, Onos’ friends trailed behind her like a tail behind a dog, she knew they all had the guilty face but it was no time to cry over of spilled milk, she was determined to stay with him till the final court hearing, she’ll decide what to do only after then. She needed to get all her remaining belongings that were in his apartment too, looked at the bed and remembered the moments she had shared with him, she felt pain but still loved him, it was quite surprising to her but she couldn’t help it. As they were on getting the needed, she raised the doubled bed and saw a phone, it must have clearly been overlooked by the police officers, yet again, she sighed at such a flimsy and undetailed nature of how these men operated before calling Tunde and others’ attention to what she found.

They were all amazed, the phone didn’t belong to Onos, there was only one explanation, The deceased girl!, but the battery was dead, they couldn’t do much until it was charged. They all pondered on the possibilities, should it be handed over to the police before it was charged or after they had gone through it?, what if it contained something that incriminated their friend the more? – not like there was any greater punishment than death by hanging, firing squad or life imprisonment – but still, they still didn’t believe he did it, it’ll have to take more than a girl dying in his room to convince them that he really did strangle her, on the final decision, they decided to call the Police station where the case was being handled, they’ll be sure to charge and go through it together.

On the day of the hearing, it was their third day in court after almost a month of the strangling-murder mess, they were really worn out, Onos didn’t look as good and in his prime as he always did, he had poverty written boldly all over every inch of his skin, he looked wary as he was walked by the policemen into the courtroom, new evidences had arrived and from what the lawyers had argued, the case was fast shifting from Onos to a third party, the man or woman whose fingerprints made the third on the deceased girl’s body, the one who is a new suspect in the murder case, in light of recent findings by the court as contained in the conversation between the deceased lady and a certain man or woman through exchange of BBM messages, texts and pictures, Onos was set free on bail but to report at the courtroom and at the police station if ever needed during further investigation. It was a mini-victory to have their friend and son back, the prison seemed to have changed a lot about him but not his jovial and funny aspect, he was able to tell the jokes about prison life and everybody laughed.

The final episode to be published soon. Kindly use the comment box to call my attention to errors, make remarks and criticisms, all is welcome. Thanks a great deal for reading and inviting your friends.

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THE LOST EVIDENCE Episode 2

Hi guys, welcome back, in case you missed the first episode of this series, you can read it here . Without much ado, I present to you the second episode in the series, THE LOST EVIDENCE.

It was 05:33 am on Sunday and the three boys were already at the Police station, waiting on the D.P.O. or anybody who cared to attend to them. Once any of the constable asked who they were there for and they mentioned their friend, Onos, he/she’s countenance quickly changed into a dismissive one and with a rather spiteful look, carried on with his or her job, now they have a first-hand experience of what it feels like being a friend or family of an accused, especially in a murder case. Word had been passed to Onos’ parents later the previous night and with their early arrival, one needn’t be a rocket scientist to know they didn’t sleep through the night.

It was the first time the boys got to see Onos’ parents, a rather finely shaped man in his late sixties but polished with wealth, he had managed to keep fresh and look younger, same goes for his light-skinned mother, that explains Onos’ complexion too, with all the worry and fear plastered over the woman’s face, she still looked beautiful, Banji noted this and wished to see more of her despite the situation on ground, he was such a womanizer without shame or reproach. The police officers were quick to attend to these influential people and it was clearly visible that they sympathized, at least, faked sympathy that it was their son who was involved in the unfortunate mess.

THE LOST EVIDENCE

EPISODE 1

Tunde and Banji had been friends dated back from their second year in the university, they were almost two contrasting characters but shared their similarities, these similarities seemed to have gravitated one towards another. They stayed together throughout their remaining semesters and being friends, worked their service year to the same location. Orientation camp was a really great place where they both picked up two more friends, Onos and Lekan, these two were in similarity to them and they all seemed to get on well, especially when they all got posted to their PPAs which wasn’t too far away from the others, they secured a flat, although in different rooms and lived happily as boys do.

KNOTTED

Hi everybody, since this is my first post for the year, I guess HAPPY NEW YEAR wishes are in order. Thanks for the support on THE 300 SERIES, I really appreciate the massive views and comments on and off the blog. God bless you all. And now to today’s business…

KNOTTED

Knotted…

“Well only need the light when its burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know your love when you let her go…”

These lyrics won’t leave my head as I’m here in trance just before the decisive moment. I’m wondering what had just happened, how I had arrived at this knotted spot and what is to happen in the nearest future, the next micro-second probably…

The 300 Series: Dante’s Wedding I

Ladies and Gentlemen, thanks for visiting here again at my request, as part of my “not-more-than-400-words” challenge named THE 300 SERIES, I’ve decided to write a series (which I guess you’ll enjoy). I’ll be publishing two episodes each week, Mondays and Fridays. Please feel free to correct me in the comment section, thank you.

Dante’s Wedding I

Dante had checked three items already on his list which included finishing from the University with a good grade, Serving in a good industry/firm, Getting a good job and it remained the last on the list, Getting married and he was so happy at the thought of this, he had found the special one and his wedding in 2weeks, he couldn’t wait any longer to have her in his arms all day, every day. He only wished she felt the same way towards him as he did towards her. It was a burning love, he remembered when he met Aisha during the NYSC orientation camp, she had struck him as a very responsible girl on the surface and he was drawn into her beauty, he had to know more about the damsel.

Welcome Distraction

It all started out with making considerable
number of friends from both gender, the ones with
the most “go-along” characteristics and most
desirable traits suiting one’s personality…,
moved on to the classes and of course most of
them (new found friends) happened to be course
mates. Then the Gisting and Gossiping or would
we have it called “Discussion” begins, ranging
from Fashion, Game, Football talks, Examination
and tests, hottest rides in town, campus gists e.t.c

Lemons and Lemonade, No Beyoncé

You and I are lemons, Yes, a special kind of Lemon. Life is the juice extractor.

When life serves you lemons, they say make a lemonade but on most days if you’re a Nigerian living in Nigeria, the lemon itself develops a mind of its own and in most cases, has its own plans for you.

You might wonder why this is so, here is a case of how I got robbed.

For about two months and counting, there’s been a widespread plague of economic hardship in the country. Ranging from the low to no electricity supply to the fuel scarcity which has made matters worse, for someone that depends on electricity and a good Internet connection to carry out his work, I’m led to believe my Internet Service Provider is also feeling the brunt of this latest development in the country.

With the background being established, it was a Sunday afternoon and as my area had been blocked and blacked out due to no power supply for about two weeks leaving all including I who by all necessity need access to electricity the only option of the 150-200/litre fuel, I braced up for the queue to get yet another 25 litres jerry can fill for the week ahead, little did I know the Lemon life handed me had several other plans including the loss of my gadgets.

After about 30 minutes of scouting fuel stations who have all decided to remain shut, I found one with the Isrealite’s queue and situated my jerry can right behind the last on the queue, about four hours down the line and after paying a token to access the queue to start with, I got the priced prize, headed home and met the shocker lemon laughing straight in my face.

With my room door slightly opened as if someone had stepped out to take a leak, the hasty realisation dawned on me, there the lemon stood, right in the centre of the room laughing at me.

But they say misery loves company, I wasn’t the only one who suffered the loss as other tenants, students alike were affected.

The thought of holding a candle light procession for our lost properties where we’ll hold hands and sing Kumbaya occurred to me but then, who do I kid if not myself.

This is a Nigerian Living in Nigeria.

Facing the untold hardship of being a citizen of a “Fantastically Corrupt” Nation.

Happy Children’s day kiddies.

Daddy Loves You.

Two Sides of a Coin

She thought; “It was almost dark when it happened, and as the day receeded, so my pride, my courage, did. That day took it all away from me, into its darkness.”

He thought; “Love they say makes you do some nasty things, as far as opening up on your darkest secret, I was a fool, I know better now, some things are better left covered up, forgotten, locked away in the innermost chambers of the mind, it broke me, yet again”

It was late in September, a long time ago, I regret that day.

I had noticed a silhouette following me on the lonely path back home, I’d just left my mother’s shop for home to prepare dinner, my brother had gone before me, we always did go home together from mama’s shop every other day but he left earlier today, something about the urgency, I knew Thelma, his girlfriend was the reason.

As I walked the street, a hand grabbed me, shoved me across the roadside, into the nearby bush, my struggles were nothing compared to the strength in his arms, my screams nobody heard, there it happened, in the bush, a roadside, there I lost my pride and glory.

I was there, I dreaded that day, something must have gotten into me, I was returning from Thelma, my girlfriend’s place, I’d caught her making love to another boy, older boy, the rumours I’d heard was true, she hadn’t even let me taste the ‘forbidden fruit’, yet she shared with another boy.

I was mad, something got into me, there was a young girl along the path, how was I to know how innocent she was, in a moment I closed distance between I and her unsuspecting self, the next moment, I shoved her, it was too late now, I defiled her. That broke me, haunted me, I was never the same from then on.

In the spirit of matrimony, two young lovers on their wedding night opened up on their deepest, darkest secret.

On their wedding night, the boy who took her most precious prized possession, who made her a laughing stock, who stole her pride, courage, love, was the one she’d fallen for and married.

But she knew, that love had turned hatred, a fresh brew stronger than ever, this night, after he went to sleep, she’ll pull the plug, blow out the spark from his eyes, douse his fire.

Tick Tock.

Hey Stranger

I.
And as the school time-keeper rang the bell at 2:00pm, the students trooped out, shouting happily for it was time to go home, some other teachers in the staff room shared this same excitement, shuffling and calling on their wards, urging them to hurry up but I shared none of this excitement or joy for there was nobody at home to go to, I had electricity here in school, I had my phone, that was all I need, that’s all I’ll need. Moreover, I had just conducted a test, it provided the perfect opportunity and excuse for staying back, to mark and record the scores of individual students while passing time…

NYSC: Day 1

Pick a date…
Take your time but,
Don’t be late.

It was under the hell-preparing, scorching Abuja sun that my retina first registered the image, we both were Otondos with no idea of what the following 3 weeks had in store for us.
You, standing 9 spaces to my front, never had I seen an ass so curvaceous like that packed in the 3 1/4 Denim jeans, perhaps not on a tall slim figure like yours made more attractive by the light skin tone visible from the exposed arms on whose shoulders the armless Denim jacket hung lightly and ever so delicately. The ass, my captor, well exaggerated by the hips giving the subject of discussion a perfect appearance, like blue waters below the blue mountains of the Himalayas.

Call Me, Maybe.

Hi guys, it’s been a while, I’m so sorry for drifting off… here’s a submission from my very good friend and brother, Enjoy.

Jennifer, -Jenny baby- as she likes to be Jennifer, -Jenny baby- as she likes to be referred to in the company of her friends due to her almost atomic resemblance to the Nollywood superstar Genevieve Nnaji is a pretty young lady who stays in the suburbs of Lagos, quite the charmer she is, also the ticket to free rides and most often times free meal whenever they visit the restaurant with her “girl on fire” flair and her cat like greyish eyes. 
Her British accent would often times get her in trouble with female lecturers who deem her fake but was the centre of attention with the male lecturers she solely regards to as Agbaya of the school. Extremely corny she was as she escaped their advances and resultant wrath with relative ease and creativity. Always thinking of ways to come up with new lines and escape phrases, she was quite an escape artiste of her own. Reverse was the case here for her as she sat uncomfortably and uncontrollably restless in the bus feverently trying to call a number on her phone. Murmuring “pick up Tunde! pick up, Please pick up!” with the seriousness and relentless attitude of an aboki trying to sell bush meat on the express during the ebola outbreak.
“Next bus stop” she said as she sat in a weirdly scanty molue, it was just after office resumption hours and the third mainland bridge remained free of traffic. Again, “O wa o” was what came out of her mouth, her face lightened up (Tunde had taken her call) as she stretched 1000 naira to the conductor, alighted and walked away in delight quite oblivious she just broke the Guinness book of record being the first Nigerian to forget nine hundred Naira change.
“Tunde, Good gracious!, I must have called you for about 50 times or more.  Have you picked up the suit and my gown from the dry cleaner?, Meet me at my place before 7pm. I’m on my way home from the bodyshop. Bye”     she walked away with the swagger of a runway model still oblivious to the world record she broke like 105seconds ago.
6:55pm
Jennifer rushed to the door, water splattering and her sexy leg moving lankily all over the tiled floor all the way from the bath tub to let Tunde in.  She had promised him she would explain what she needed him for immediately he got over and she made good on her promise by getting right down to it before he could get down with the “Was’sup” he had on his tongue.
“Okay Tunde I need you as a double to my date tonight… It’s an open bar of 5 star drinks”
Tunde was going to say no but the last part of the sentence was too good to turn down. “What’s the catch?” was all he could muster. Jenny baby had gone extreme length to get invited to the fundraiser using her dad’s connections so as to make herself noticeable to her long standing crush. She felt she stood a chance but she brought in reinforcements from body shop for her face, the gown and her favourite red bottom heels to complement the face. She only needed Tunde to get through as it was a double up invite party.

8:55pm

After several advances all night from a distance, it was time for her crush, the CEO of Globules Entertainment popularly called Uncle Larry to make his move at the hottest girl in d ball room.  He reached into his breast pocket, pulled out a pen and made some sort of inscription on his contact card after which he strolled with utter class towards her, Jenny could swear she had frozen to a standstill as she was moments away from masterminding the biggest plan of her life. Almost in slo-mo he walked towards her as he stretched his contact card to Tunde right behind her who was getting wasted at the bar saying “here’s my number, call me maybe” and strolled off yet majestically.

Submitted by Olajide Ajayi. @Jidoolegend

Guys, please comment on the flaws and high points of the post, he’s a budding writer. Thanks.

(I don’t know what to Title this).

It was about 2:00am, today being quite not so different from just other days, he had checked up on his test score, an aptitude test, international test, and he had emerged the best in his continent, which meant he, with some other lucky few, about 6 of them in all will have the scholarship. But it was only guaranteed a half tuition scholarship until the final battle when the first and second from the six emerging baby-champions will be granted a full scholarship and prize money.

All his friends had either travelled or went back to school, the remaining were in distant lands serving their fatherland, he had gone through the ritual of informing all that knew of the test about his success -they were about a handful of people-, so much love from them all, his mother’s voice over the phone resounded in his head for some hours as he gallivanted around his one bedroom apartment, jumping from one part to the other, he was totally overjoyed. What best to seal this great news than to go out and “Turn it up”, but his friends weren’t around, he thought and pondered for a while then decided to go it solo, it has never harmed a man to walk his path alone after all we all were born “solo”, he laughed at his own philosophical mind and the gibberish it just spewed forth, it must have been his over-joyous state that had caused it, he didn’t mind, didn’t chastice or chide himself like he would have done on other days, today is a different day. 

He had made it to the second club for the night, had his fair share of drinks and dance, got a couple of phone numbers from the ladies on the dance floor, starting to feel a little tipsy, he made way to his car in the lot, a Toyota Solara Modelled car, and straight to another club, he was going to break his personal  record of three clubs a night by attending four today. It was a good night for him.

As he sauntered into the fourth clubhouse, he met with a couple of old friends who had lost contact with him for a while, a long while and it was quite and easy task catching up and bringing one another up to speed on matters arising in individual lives, well the best of the stories were shared and it mostly sounded like bragging about achievements made over the others, a subtle competition to decide who had lived the best life so far… he didn’t do bad in the reports and wasn’t the best either but as things were going smoothly for him and with the good news in pocket from earlier in the day, there was nothing that was going to spoil his mood, not even after he found his car tire had been deflated, quite unexplainable but he tagged team with one of his friends, the safest of them in terms of driving who wasn’t drunk or apparently was better at composure while drunk… loud music and gyrations in the car as they blasted one of the Old 90s music Album while they drove through the lonely roads of the night. With the cold breeze hitting their face through the wound-low side windows of the sport car, they fired through into the night at a reasonable speed first, then, gradually at a breakneck speed. Unusual, but with alcohol of various kinds and brands in the system… 

He smiled, that was one of the millions of thoughts that could get him through and laughing as this was one of the most hated moments of his life, meeting one on one with his boss who seemed to enjoy torturing him daily with ginger-garlic mixed with rotten teeth combination of smell, he wondered the torture his boss’wife and children go through on the daily, he smiled yet again, his boss must have thought the joke he just cracked was that funny, if only his boss knew what was on his mind… then an excerpt of I. Ighoni Barrett’s book “Love Is Power or Something Like That” flashed through his mind, that was his favourite part, it was about a man who had a bloody mouth odour in a BRT bus… 

” So, I shouted at the conductor, See, the woman I was sitting near, she’s in front!”
As soon as I opened my mouth, everybody else closed their mouth. Even though BRT bus is long –  with forty-nine passengers, I did not know that before – yet in the front, people were making foon-foon sound and covering their nose. The conductor squeezed his face like I have killed his mother, then he released my hand and ran to the front, and the bus started to move. 

So therefore, the whole long journey I have been standing and taking advice from everybody about my smelling mouth problem. It wasn’t easy o,  forty-nine people against only me. Those people, they nearly killed me with advice, I swear to God. And anytime that I want to explain, they will just be shouting that I should shut up.  Anyhow, to cut short the long story, by the time I reached my bus stop they have analysed the whole of my life  and they have told me all the things that are causing my smelling mouth problem…”

He laughed harder as his boss gently slid a letter through the other end of his table…

He opened it and laughed a lot harder, the son of a Bitch just fired him.

Promise Made

A beautiful Saturday morning it is, several women chirping and muttering inaudibly and the men exchanging pleasantries as the last of them settled down, faces looking radiant, women looking ravishing and inviting, all thanks to the make-up artiste and the brilliant make-over materials – if only they could all look this flawless every single minute and hour of the day-, eager anticipation on almost everyone’s face as the pianist struck the first cord, the sound made me shiver from within, cold shrills went through my spine, I could feel my skin ravaged with goose bumps, apparently the sound was a cue as two figures emerged at the entrance of the rather long aisle.

It was 10:26am the last time I glanced at my 24karat Gold plated Hubolt timepiece, something I must have done a million and one times since entering this sacred place of worship, the church where the wedding is supposed to take place. I’m particularly not the nervous type but today is quite different, understandably you presume it’s because of my wedding, a big step into the future unseen but then, you couldn’t be more wrong.

I watched impatiently the two figures partially silhouetted by the distance and the lightning, my wife and father-in-law to-be walk the aisle inching closer to me with every step which resonated in my ear, I couldn’t but wish something would strike him down at this moment, better still, she, miss her graceful and well-mannered step in a clumsy atmosphere of the superfluous fine garment, her wedding dress and fall face flat preferably, breaking a bone or hurting her ankle will be to my utmost delight. See, they both haven’t wronged me in the slightest way, if anything, they’ve been the best set of people anybody could wish to associate with, but I’m not just anybody, all I want is to get out of this sanctuary. You ask why? A quick glance at my watch, 10:28 am, two full minutes like eternity, I hate this!.

I had spent my bachelor’s eve with a woman, –another woman-, at least a man is allowed one last shot at the goodies of this world before he’s eternally chained in the dungeon of faithfulness and responsibility to the one he’s vowed to by the very words of his own mouth, a promise as you may have it. This woman was particularly different, there was something about the way her chest heaved up and down as she inhaled and exhaled, the sight was calming at first then she’d suddenly but slowly grabbed her tummy, opened her eyes rather sharply and had ordered me to call her an ambulance, in 30 minutes we were in the hospital, I didn’t mind staying with her till day break, leaving with a promise to be back soon, very soon. The doctors were to call me immediately there was a new development and with this assurance I left.

Here I am, face to face with my wife-to-be having made her way safely to the altar against every of my wish and her father, retreating safely to the front pew, she said her vows and inserted a ring onto my finger, halfway into my vows, the phone vibrated in my left breast pocket once again, it had to be about the 5th time, that was my cue as I hurried through the vows, placed yet another ring on her engagement finger and dashed off like a mad man who’s found the light all the while thinking, Why did it have to be today?

Excuse my ill manners for I was taught better, I am a man of my words who will go to any length to fulfil any promises made and today is My Wedding day. If you’re reading this, you’re exactly where I want you to be, in my Head, and in real-time.

I am a free minded man of many will and passion, you ask why I rushed out of my wedding proceedings? My second wife is at delivery, the third marriage is finalized, I need to fulfil my promise.

Hi, my name is Tom and my paramount will is to marry every beautiful single lady I come across and sire their first child with a promise to be at each and every of their delivery room.

Untitled (I wanted to title it Love Story sha…)

The Non Fiction Blog

This kini is impurely fiction, any resemblance to any persons, organisations, or whatsoever, might have been intended but take some comfort in knowing the person who published it doesn’t care about your reaction so… Meh.
Long ass story about something that probably happened.
Dictated, not read.
Management

“Yo! Hey Wassup?”
“dude, I’m fine, how’s it with you?”
“I’m good I’m good. You at home now?”
“yeah, what?”
“remember when I told you I wanted to get the Z30?”
“yeah…”
“well, guess who’s got a Z30?!”
“Errrrr… Is the person really famous?”
“ode. Me”
“oh. yeah you. Are you famous?”
“I’m sha coming over hope your PS is working?”
“yeah. Sure.”
“and your sister? Is she around?”
“*dial tone…*”
“what a scumbag. Like he wants to marry his sister…”

Well, that’s where the phone conversation ended that day. A couple of hours later he was about 15mins away from his house…

View original post 1,548 more words

Roses & Thorns

Hi, this is a short one… Can’t say it is a Rant, can’t say it isn’t.

—————– —————— ——————–

I’m Nigerian, I’m proud of it, any day, any hour, well, you know what’s next, every darn time. But as much as I love this country and its inhabitants, I’ll love to see it climb to greater heights, I guess that’s what everybody with the love of this nation wants right?…

Nigerians are blessed with brains, but situations around has helped most people channel it towards more evil than good, take note, evil here is subjective as it is actually good to the innovators… – Uncle Shege, 2014.

Take for example, an average bike/okada man in his bid to cunningly get intimate with almost, if not all of his female customers raises his motorcycle seat at an angle that favours the rubbing of the female customer’s mammary glands however big or small against him. See, free back massage and they get paid after getting it too.
But nowadays with most of our ladies spotting full blown 5-8 months pregnancy-like tummy, oh well, that’s a topic for another day…

The funniest to me of recent has to be the robbery case that happened around where I stay, I couldn’t stop laughing when I heard someone re-count the story.

Here goes:

Imagine someone shows up naked in your compound, obviously, he/she (-most likely a he-) had scaled your fence through, then sets to work. Who comes to rob another person’s house naked right?… But here’s the icing on the cake; He’s covered in oil, which is a genius way to facilitate his escape to him obviously.

I mean, you’ll chase this guy to a point and just when you feel he’s at arms length… Pssssss… He slides like an iPhone lock away from you… Genius isn’t it?.

No dummy, I’m referring to my iPhone joke.

Yeah, that’s what I thought too…

The Young & Baeless

Me & The Imaginary Bae ^.^

#1:

I’ve seen so many messed up love situations, have I been in one? I’m not at liberty to tell… But then, consider this:

The Holy book, The Bible at one point considers us as “gods”… I believe this is because we have free will, make decisions based on logic or impulse, however rational or irrational they may seem to be, and well, we’ve got to live with those decisions, they make and/or mar us, they remind us constantly that we are but humans, they aggregate into a very sad Regret story or a Passionate Success story, or just a bland humourless story, Depending on who’s telling it… But then, the next part says “you are all Sons/Children of the Most High”… somebody shout Halleluyah!.

Back to the “gods” part of the previous paragraph. It is clear that we are gods, meaning we’re like the third in rank, view it as a food chain pyramid, there at the tip there’s GOD, followed by a second layer, the Demi gods, then humans, in all our glory, just “gods”. We often relate to things as Karma and Fate, but have you considered them as some sort of Demi gods?

Back to the love scenario…

You’re single and miserably loving it, well, partly due to the fact that the person you’ll love to be with is with someone else or emotionally unavailable, or plainly, you haven’t found the one that strikes your cords like Daniel did to King Saul… (see what I did there?). I imagine god Karma, god Fate or whichever of the Demi gods responsible for this is having a kick-ass laughter off your situation… Then, maybe one day, you meet someone you can have, someone you think you love…

#2:

A busy day ahead it was supposed to be, I had been up and down (in my head, this sounded like up-an-dan) since the beginning of the week, running one errand or another and today was no different, I was practically forced out of bed to get some stuffs off the supermarket today and in all honesty, I hated that I was home and had to do all these… still on the thought of how best the scenario would have played if I had an apartment of my own, well-furnished, nicely scented, squeaky clean and getting paid huge sum to do practically next to nothing, I mean, imagine a job where you get paid not to work, How sweet I thought as I smiled at the cashier – she must have thought her mascara cemented face and the fake smile she wore to attract customers got to me- tschew, far from it, I was lost in my own blissful reverie… I paid and walked out of the store, there she was in all her glory, about 5ft 8inches, she had let her natural hair down, Oh My God!, how long they were, drooling down her neck, she must have expended a whole lot of Vaseline or oil on it, the sun did best to make it appear sparkling and glistening, she had me at the moment, she turned her face as if my gaze had pierced into her skin, she wasn’t looking in my direction but her eyes were magnificent… I thought my knees weakened…. I would approach her I thought to myself –afterall, I read a book some days ago that encouraged me to put myself in nervous situations, get out of my comfort zone- the time for action is now as my knees regained strength, confident of my looks and smell, and well, thinking of a whole lot of conversation starter lines, I decided “Hi” was the best and all would follow in the spontaneity of the moment, I walked closer, surely she must have noticed me and sized me up, I was confident, “HI” was all I said before her phone rang, Dammit, not now!, she excused to pick the call, 1minute, 2minutes… it was starting to get awkward, then her boyfriend materialized, or maybe her brother…

FAST FORWARD TO THE END:
#3:

“I tell her mai-lo (Don’t go) x3 ohh
We fight all day and make love all night
We arrange the place, and then we scatter it again
See, everytime I look at you I see a perfect picture of an angel,
The next minute the demons come out, I start to wonder, where’s my baby”
I hate what you do to me…
I cannot tell you to go
I cannot tell you to stay… I Hate what you do to me…”

Those were the lyrics that moved a grown man of more than two decades old to the point of tears -wait, I’m a grown man, I can’t be seen crying-

Ours’ was particularly a burning love fueled with desire at first, it ended up being literally and figuratively true…

Hold on… you think I’m on the brink of tears because we parted? Good Riddance, I miss her a little though, errr… maybe a little more than I’m willing to accept at the moment… Scratch…

She burnt my stuffs, the fire brought out its flaming red tongue and kissed my things goodbye. See, that’s why I’m depressed, almost crying…

#4:

That didn’t make any bit of sense to you as human did it?… Now, switch perspective, Fancy yourself a Demi god, say you’re the “god” in charge of match-making people, deciding whether their love life went smoothly or turbulently hormone filled, say you’re the “god” in charge of break-ups, won’t you get an innumerable amount of daily kick-ass jokes from the number of breakups around the world? Especially when you’re bent on breaking both parties off and one is seemingly working more than hard to keep it…. LOOOOOOOOOOOL….

There’s fun in Breakup stories from the gods perspective.

Lets Share the Grace.